TODAY IS NOT A GOOD DAY! 2|24|19
Apr 24, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UklAoQOLuH8

[Music]
guys and welcome to Wednesday so this is
gonna be kind of a short video but I
just definitely wanted to give you guys
a little update on me and what's been
going on I did not post a vlog yesterday
due to the fact that my cycle is not
being very nice to me this month and
flow has come with a vengeance let's
just say so I am not feeling very good
in like the Department of Energy and
just doing anything like I pretty much
have been sitting on my chair with my
legs elevated
constructed by my doctor to sit with my
legs elevated because I am passing so
much blood
so TMI I know the choice of a womanhood
um so anyways I Shh yes I have my little
co-star here but you can see the tip of
his head that's as much as it's gonna be
so anyways I just I didn't have the
energy to do much of anything yesterday
I slept I slept I slept i sat I slept
and that was it
you need to stop or you're gonna get out
okay I don't mind you sitting next to
mommy but your name to stop so now we're
at today um my doctor's office called me
excuse me my doctor's office called me
today and they got the results back from
the ultrasound and unfortunately the
marina is been put to low not by his
fault it's just you know he said it's
50-50 chance
he doesn't know he doesn't feel very you
know he doesn't feel confident that way
it was put in the right spot but he did
the best he could which is I totally you
know like I said my doctor is an awesome
doctor I has nothing to do with him it's
just frustrating in general because now
I'm like kind of at I have two options I
can choose here and I'm really stuck
because well either way about it I have
to have the Mirena removed I have to
have it taken out so the decision that I
have to make is do I want to have the
Mirena removed in office and just not
put another one in or go under
anesthesia and have it removed and have
another one put in where I could be
comfortable because of course I wouldn't
fill it why could nothing just go my way
that's my question
why so I'm kind of just sitting here in
limbo like I don't know you know it's
it's always scary when you have to be
put under and I have been put under too
many times to feel very confident to
continue to keep being put under and I
just don't know like I I don't know what
I want to do and you know all he said
well you know just take today sorry you
guys I'm yawning that's a whole nother
story I'll tell you guys in a minute um
you know he said take today just to
really sit on it think about it he's
like you know I'll support you either
way you know I I really I hate to know
if you're gonna go in for you know a
surgery but you know you you know you're
the body the best
so I don't know I I don't know I'm just
I don't know I don't know what to do but
that definitely was not what I wanted to
wake up in here this morning that really
was not it and then to top it all off so
let me see what day are we even on
Sunday night at 7:30 I was in the shower
so I left my phone of course I'm not
gonna carry my phone into the bathroom I
never do and Ollie had plugged his phone
into our bedroom so neither one of us
had our phones on my mom called at 7:30
at night she had to run up to Washington
and I guess she got lost well she was
trying to call her husband her husband
wasn't answering I guess and she leaves
a voicemail
Amy this is mom you know I know that you
don't answer numbers usually if you
don't you know know who they are she's
like but my phone is dead
Oh moves me my phone is dead or maybe
this was no this was Monday night I'm
sorry
Monday night yeah monday Monday sorry
so she says my phone is dead I'm lost
this is very very very important I'm
gonna call right back please answer well
I got the message five minutes after she
sent it so like literally I called the
number right back right because I was
like crap so I called the number right
back
Allie comes out of the bedroom at the
same time it was like do you know this
number and I'm like is it from Glenn you
know is it from Washington and he's like
yeah and I'm like that was my mom and
he's like was she calling me from that
number I'm like I don't know why
something to do is she's lost sure her
phone's dead of course my mom's phone's
always dead
I know why she even has a cell phone to
be honest with you half the time so um
anyways I kept calling the the
Washington number back nobody was
answering so I'm like okay well
hopefully she got a hoe and then I
called the home number and there was no
voicemail which the thing is is that if
nobody's home the voicemail will pick up
but if somebody's on the phone
it won't pick up and they'll usually
click over if they know that it's from
me because it will announce caller from
a which is from a me so I called the
home numbered nobody was answering so I
was like okay I kept trying to call the
number every you know like half an hour
I kept callin number nobody was
answering nobody was answering the
Washington number I'm thinking oh god I
hope she found her way because I what am
I supposed to do I have no way of
tracking her down so the following
morning so yesterday morning I started
calling again I called her cellphone it
was off I called the home number like
four or five times nobody was answering
but the voicemail wasn't picking up and
I'm thinking what the heck like did her
husband fall and get hurt and he can't
answer the phone you know did he take
off somewhere and I mean they're all
these thoughts are going through my mind
right my mom
Oh anyways so all these thoughts are
going through my mind I keep calling the
Washington number finally somebody
answers at like 11 o'clock and I'm like
is you know my mom there which I gave
them my mom's name and they're like who
and I so I gave her the name again and
she's like no this is a restaurant and
I'm like oh my god I'm like okay I'm
like whoa I'm just looking for my mom
because she called from this number so
apparently I'm sure she probably pulled
over seeing that restaurant and thought
oh I'll used their number and call me to
try and help her so of course that
numbers out now because it was just a
restaurant they don't know who she is so
then I have been calling the home number
and her cell phone number I've looked on
her Facebook for any friend that I could
get in hold of I have called her through
messenger I have tried everything I can
I've looked I know this is really sad
but I've even looked in the gels to see
if my mom was picked up somewhere and I
know that's really sad but with her
history sometimes that's the first thing
that comes to my mind I don't even think
about hospitals before I think of gels
so I looked up gels I couldn't find any
information but I was
being able to search it very well so I
have not literally heard from my mom
since Monday night at 7:30 when she left
that voicemail and I have literally been
on the phone calling calling calling
calling calling all the numbers that I
know to get ahold of her and none are
being successful so I wake up this
morning and I've been again on the phone
calling calling calling calling calling
I called just a little bit ago and the
phone's busy and I'm like what the heck
now mind you I didn't sleep all night
last night because I've got 50,000
things going through my mind like what
could be happening what's you know what
is she hurt it you know is she still
lost is she I mean I would imagine if
she was lost but then did she run out of
gas and she's stuck somewhere I mean all
these thoughts are going through my mind
and I'm just like I'm getting scared but
I'm getting angry because it's like how
irresponsible that I mean irresponsible
in the sense that if she's okay why
hasn't she called me again to reassure
that everything's okay if she's hurt or
something I want to find out what's
going on so when I called and there the
phone was busy I was like oh okay
somebody's on the phone so I hung up I
called right back it was busy again I'm
like okay so I left it for two minutes I
called back and then it just started
ringing again and it's not going to
voicemail
so I don't know what is going on and she
doesn't live like right up the street or
I would be over there obviously she
lives like an hour and a half away so I
am kind of getting to the point where I
might go ahead and call and have
somebody go out and do a welfare check
on them and make sure that everything's
okay because I don't know what is going
on and the thing is that my mom and her
husband live in like it's a small town
but my mom says that there's like things
that happen around the house that are
not always the best like people creep
around and stuff and she's felt like
people have been in the house before so
it's like okay did somebody get into the
house and hurt one of them or you know I
just I hate this feeling and this is
like it this is where my PTSD comes in
is because this is something I have gone
through with her in the past where she's
gone missing and then she ends up locked
up or when I was very little she would
go missing and she would be found in a
ditch somewhere or she would be beat up
on the side of the road somewhere or she
would be completely you know Oh
overdosed somewhere I mean this is very
very scary for me
and so it's triggering all these past
history feelings because I'm scared I'm
legit scared like what could be going on
I mean
I've literally haven't slept I am like
sick to my stomach
I haven't been able to really eat I am
like on edge and my anxiety is out of
control because I'm so upset over what's
going on so how'd she be okay I'm going
to give her a new one but if she's not
okay then I need to find out what's
going on and where she's at but I just
whoa I hate this feeling I hate it so
I'm just giving you guys a little bit of
an update on what's going on where I'm
at why I haven't posted yesterday
because there's just like so much going
on like all in a matter of I just feel
like everything's being dropped on me
and it's hard because I want to be
strong and I just feel like everything
keeps being thrown at me one thing after
another like I feel like I can get some
things done and I can achieve some
things but then other things just feel
like it keeps being dropped on my
shoulders and I can only be so strong
before I'm just pretty to break and this
whole thing with my mom is just like the
thing this thing with my mom is like the
worse because that feeling of not
knowing and not having control over
what's happening with her is scary
because my mom you know yeah she's in
her 60s but she hasn't been out in the
world
old in a long time like you know she's
been locked up a lot of her time and she
doesn't know her locations and she
doesn't know where things are at and she
puts herself into these positions
sometimes and I get so angry sometimes
because it's like why would you put
yourself in this position where you have
no cell phone you have no charger you
have nothing like what were you thinking
I understand you aren't thinking that
you're gonna get lost but you call me
you leave this voicemail and then I have
no way of retrieving contact with you
you know and it's just it's so
frustrating so please just keep me in
your prayers I really would appreciate
it um I have to decide what I want to do
medically with this whole Mirena thing
because here I'm trying to do things to
help me and it just comes back and slaps
me in the face because now I have to go
back and have it removed and I just need
to breathe and go in like 24 hours
without sleeping is not helping the
situation whatsoever but life has to go
on and I don't have time to sleep I
don't have time to do any of that I've
got so many things that I have to do I'm
trying to finish cups I'm trying to you
know fulfill orders and I've got more
orders coming in and it's like you know
I'm trying to do that but my minds on
this and on my medical stuff and yeah
that's the rawness of Amy's life
sometimes it's not always happy rainbows
like I wish it would be but it's not and
you know sometimes I have to show the
truth and I have to show you guys the
realness of me because I'm not always
this happy person I'm not always this
got it all together a person which I
wish I did but I don't
and sometimes it's harder than others
but I know that you guys are here for me
I know that you guys are here to support
me and I appreciate that and I couldn't
be more grateful that I have all of you
guys to lean on
when these are the times that I'm going
through right now but just please keep
me in your prayers and keep my mom in
your prayers I don't know what's going
on I'll keep you guys updated as I find
out anything I hope it's nothing I hope
that it was just that she just didn't
call me I mean that's as bad as that
sounds I hope that's what the result is
you know because no matter what no
matter what kind of a relationship you
have with somebody to think something
bad can it be you happening with
somebody that you truly love it's scary
and God forbid something happened to my
mom she's my mom she's all I have
it's just scary didn't I have that
control over protecting her so anyways
I'm gonna get going you guys I'm I'm a
mess I'm clearly but just keep us all in
your prayers and I'll keep you guys
updated as what goes on happens I love
you guys all and stay tuned I'll keep
you guys updated as I've said this three
times now I love you guys I'll talk to
you soon goodbye